Chaplain's Column -- March 3 2023

Life is Not a Drill

 

With all the news about politicians who've mishandled classified material, I feel left out. I retired as a lieutenant colonel but was never given the opportunity to mishandle secrets.

 

Well, I change that today.

 

In the Spring of 2009, I participated in a classified mission. That's when, as most of you know, I was the Senior Chaplain responsible for the spiritual care of the wounded at the Air Force Field Hospital in Balad, Iraq.

 

Early in my tour, Chief Master Sergeant Robinson enlisted me for a classified team called Survival Evasion Resistance Escape (SERE).

 

At first, I thought I heard the Chief say "SEAL team," the elite Navy special forces. That was shocking considering I wasn't as buff as I am now.

 

"No," explained the Chief, "I doubt you meet the standard of swimming 1,000 meters, doing 70 push-ups, 60 curl-ups, or even running four miles.

 

"This is the Air Force SERE team, a group of experts who help repatriated POWs recover mentally, physically and spiritually.

 

"You will be the spiritual part."

 

I respectfully told the Chief, "On one condition."

 

"What's that?" he asked. Chiefs usually speak their "requests" as the "unconditional kind."

 

"On the condition I don't have to go to SERE Training," referring to the rigorous school where students learn to evade capture, resist interrogation and even withstand torture.

 

"No, Chaplain," he said, chuckling at my conceit. "You won't be required to go to school. The USAF rarely send chaplains through that course."

 

He might as well have added, "Especially not you." Still, I accepted the honor.

 

A few weeks later, Robinson rang my office.

 

"We have a Blackhawk helicopter inbound with a recovered POW, only known as Captain John Smith. Meet us in the hospital basement at 1500 hours for the debrief."

 

I arrived at a debriefing already in progress. Team members were asking Smith about his treatment in captivity. Specifically they wanted to know if he'd kept Article 4 of the Code of Conduct to "…make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause."

 

Smith was surprisingly forthcoming to our team. He presented happy and healthy. He reported being well fed by the enemy. "No torture," he said, making his detention sound like an inconvenience.

 

As the debriefing was closing, I was given my turn as team chaplain.

 

I introduced myself as I have to hundreds of military patients. "Hi, I'm Chaplain Burkes. Do you find strength from any particular religion, spirituality or church?"

 

"Yes," he said with firm confidence.

 

"I'm a Jedi Knight of the Fifth Order."

 

His evasive response sucked the military bearing out of the room and Chief Robinson shook his finger, lacing it with laughter.

 

Feeling somewhat ridiculed, my face flushed. It was as if our mission was suddenly classified as "FUNNY."

 

Noticing some displeasure, Smith quickly apologized. "I'm sorry, Chaplain. That's not in my script."

 

Yes, he said "script."

 

That's because this was a tabletop exercise, a rehearsal to simulate the emergency circumstances.

 

Gladly, this wasn't real life. It was a drill. And my job was to practice evaluating the spiritual strengths this captured airman used to survive.

 

In one clinical study, those spiritual strengths were recognized as an "appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope and humor." My part was to identify and affirm Smith's fundamental spiritual strengths.

 

But, as seen on many a tee T-shirt, "Life is not a drill."

 

Every day, including that one, is the real thing. No takebacks or do-overs. So, in order to meet life's challenges, we must always practice our spiritual qualities.

 

My list includes, "Be kind. Treat others with the same respect we require from others. Find the beauty. Laugh a lot. Be present for the miracles. Love. Make a gratitude list. And always hope."

 

At the conclusion of our exercise, our team walked Smith to dinner.

 

Recovered from my embarrassment, I listened to Smith tell me about his family, his goals and his life. I heard everything the study trained me to hear – "an appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope and humor."

 

And as far as the humor part went, my Jedi brother certainly had that nailed down.

 

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Read more about Chaplain Norris's deployment in his book "Hero's Highway," available at www.thechaplain.net. Contact him at comment@thechaplain.net or 10556 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or voicemail (843) 608-9715.

 

 

 

 

Chaplain's Column -- Feb 24 2023

 

Take Belief-O-Matic® Test to Find Your Faith Brand

 

Perhaps you remember the famous Veg-O-Matic® commercial from the mid-1960s in which Ron Popeil, the self-titled "Salesman of the Century," promoted a kitchen appliance better known as, "It slices, it dices, and so much more!"

 

The Veg-O-Matic ads were so popular that they inspired the memorable Saturday Night Live TV ad spoof, the "Bass-O-Matic" performed by Dan Aykroyd.

 

Well, today I introduce you to the Belief-O-Matic®. Like the Veg-O-Matic, once you use it, "you'll wonder how you ever did without it!"

 

No, I'm not kidding you. The Belief-O-Matic® is real.

 

However, it's not a countertop appliance. It's actually an online survey at Beliefnet.com. that asks, "Are you sure your faith is the best choice for you? Take our religion quiz to find out!"

 

The religious personality test promises that "…if you'll answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, abortion, homosexuality, divorce and so on, the Belief-O-Matic® will tell you what religion or spiritual path (if any) best suits your beliefs."

 

If you take the time to seriously answer the questions, the site will rank your answers and match you with a world religion. Think of it as a dating app for God. Kinda like, swipe left if you're liberal. Right if you're fundamentalist.

 

In a world full of "isms," you could potentially be matched with conservative Protestantism. Or maybe you'll identify as a blend of, say, 75 percent Eastern Orthodox and 25 percent Seventh Day Adventism.

 

Your answers may even spin you off into the unexplored and you'll be inspired to learn about a new religion.

 

This Baptist took the Belief-O-Matic® test and found myself kin to "The Religious Society of Friends."

 

The Society is better known as Quakers because early observers witnessed their "spiritual energy" and mocked them for their "quaking."

 

The church website promotes two major beliefs. 1. "All people are capable of directly experiencing the divine nature of the universe." 2. "God's revelations have never stopped….God might reach out to any one of us at any time."

 

To paraphrase, God isn't locked into Bible stories. God lives in our personal stories and is still at work in today's world.

 

I wouldn't call my test results foolproof, but I'll admit that it does sound a bit like a chaplain/columnist recently returned to pastoring a Baptist church. 

 

While site editors say they hope to inspire people to examine their relationship with God, they admit the test has its shortcomings. Belief-O-Matic® isn't intended to be a religious litmus test.

 

Too bad, really. A working litmus test could help resolve the differences of religious factions.

 

But wait, there's more!

 

Maybe a litmus test does exist, and dare I suggest that it is multifaith?

 

Jesus said the real test was for us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart… [and] Love your neighbor as yourself."

 

His analysis suggests that it's not how much Bible, Buddha, Brahma, or Bhagavad-Gita you can recite, it's how you live your faith that matters.

 

Or more precisely, it's how your faith lives in you. Galatians 5:22 says it best:

 

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness."  When you see these things acted out in people, you know faith has passed the test.

 

In the meantime, I encourage you to take the Belief-O-Matic® test this week and let me know how you placed. For those with a serious religious interest, check out the Religious Typology Quiz by the Pew Research Center.

 

I've posted both tests on my website at www.thechaplain.net.

 

Finally, my new parishioners shouldn't worry. I'm still Baptist. But in fault-lined California, I have more reasons to call myself a Quakin' Baptist.

 

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While you're at my website, sign up to get this column by email each week https://thechaplain.net/newsletter/  Send comments to comment@thechaplain.net or 10556 Combie Rd Suite 6643 Auburn CA 95602 or voicemail at (843) 608-9715.

 

 

 

Chaplain's Column -- Feb 17 2023

 

Jesus Gets his own PR guy

 

Even though my favorite team, the 49ers, missed their chance to compete in last weekend's Superbowl, I still watched the game.

 

Or at least the commercials.

 

The ads contained the usual lineup this year in which we were wined, dined but mostly beer'd by the likes of Anheuser-Busch, Heineken and Coors.

 

Doritos returned as a fan favorite followed by M&M's, movie studios, tech companies and automakers.

 

But I wasn't watching for those. I was looking for Jesus.

 

More specifically, I wanted to see the anticipated "He Gets Us" commercials.

 

Chances are you've seen these commercials in the last ten months on billboards in major cities. Or in a video posted on social media or streaming services.

 

The sponsors want you to see a relevant Jesus in issues like immigration, artificial intelligence, and prison reform. They want you to imagine Jesus in your corner as the friend you've always needed.

 

The ads emphasize Jesus empathizing with everyone, especially those unfairly judged or marginalized. Each pitch concludes with an invitation to visit the "He Gets Us" website.

 

The commercials scored a lot of fans. The USA Today Ad Meter, which ranks commercials, say the ads placed eighth and 15^th .

Yet not all Christ followers are enthusiastic.

 

Some conservative evangelicals criticize the commercials for overplaying the humanity of Jesus to the neglect of his divinity.

 

Liberals are more than suspicious. Since the broadcast charges $7 million for 30 seconds, they are on a Jerry Maguire Show-me-the-Money hunt to find out who's financing this reimagining of Jesus.

 

While the campaign has many donors, Christianity Today identifies David Green, the billionaire founder of Hobby Lobby. He is among several who have spurred a $100 million effort with the goal being about a billion dollars over the next three years.

 

I have to admit some appreciation for the slogan's message as it resonates with the theme of this column, "Spirituality in Everyday Life." After all, one of the most powerful aspects of Jesus' story is how it relates to the everyday human condition.

 

While the campaign doesn't tell the whole God story, I'm happy to hear the emphasis on a Jesus who gets us. One who sees us and really understands us.

 

But the question remains, "Does Jesus really need a PR guy?"

 

Pastors have long said that the example set by everyday Christians should be the best PR reps for Christianity. Unfortunately, Christians may also be the best evidence against their faith.

 

But it's more than possible Christianity may well need to hire a PR firm. The Pew Research Center estimated in 2022 that if Christians in the USA continue leaving religion at the present rate, the faith will shrink from the current 64% of all Americans to only 35% by 2070.

 

Still, more and more I'm leaning toward relevant truthsayers like Carlos A. Rodriguez, the founder of Happy Givers, a nonprofit in Puerto Rico.

 

Rodriguez is a pastor and social activist. His social media posts are powerful and provocative thoughts on culture + faith. He is the author of "Simply Sonship" and "Drop the Stones."

 

As the final whistle was blown at the Superbowl Carlos wrote in a Facebook post

 

"You know what would be better "branding" for Jesus? Using those $100 million on the priorities of Jesus:

 

Feed the hungry

Welcome the stranger

Care for the sick

Liberate the oppressed

Love our neighbors

 

Yes, He gets us.

We don't seem to get him."

 

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Follow Norris at facebook.com/theChaplainNorris Read past columns at www.thechaplain.net Send comments to comment@thechaplain.net or 10556 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or via voicemail (843) 608-9715.

 

 

 

 

Correct spelling Stephen Hawking

In 13th graph it should be Stephen Hawking

Chaplain's Column -- Feb 3 2023

 

 

A Valentine from A Hospice Chaplain

 

Like a lot of folks, Valentine's Day isn't my favorite holiday.  As it approaches, I'm still debating how much do I do and how many roses should I buy for 43 years of marriage.

 

However, my job as a hospice chaplain has taught me that expressing love toward my family and friends is the most important thing any of us can do.

 

This is my last month to work as a hospice chaplain before I return to pastoring. But during these hospice days, I was privileged to introduce myself to hundreds of patients and their family members. Most of them greeted me with the friendly respect they would afford their own pastor or faith leader.

 

However, some received me with skepticism as they assumed I had come to convert them before keeping their appointment with their maker.

 

I usually managed to push aside that impression with a reassuring smile. "No worries. I'm not here to convert you, baptize you or change your mind about religion. Let's just talk about what's going on with you."

 

With that disarming introduction, they'd often invite me to pull up a chair so we could sort out the things that had suddenly become important.

 

That's when some would recite what I call their "woulda-coulda-shoulda" list. They'd say they woulda taken better care of their health; they coulda taken more vacations; they shoulda been a better parent or spouse.

 

But the biggest "should" they imposed upon their stories is the notion that they should have shown more love for people – and in turn received more love.

 

The love they regretted missing was the kind of love found in 1 Corinthians 13.

 

From beginning to end, the Bible is a book about love by an author who is love. But this one chapter has become famous as the "Love Chapter." Even if you don't read the Bible, you'll recognize the popular chapter from the wedding ceremony.

 

I've read this chapter to many of my patients, but a few years ago I was visiting a friend who was dying of brain cancer, and he inspired me to write my own version of the Love Chapter.

 

While I'm not nearly as poetic as the Apostle Paul, I trust you'll find my version meaningful.

 

"Even if I become as persuasive as Martin Luther King Jr.,
If I'm as eloquent as John Fitzgerald Kennedy,
Even if I sing opera like Charlotte Church,
If I give the riches of Bill Gates to cure the diseases of the world,
Even if I use the brilliance of Steven Hawking to fathom the secrets of the universe,

Nothing much matters if I don't have love."

 

When I think back on my hospice visits, I often imagine a scenario when the dying people grab my collar and pull me close. "Listen," they say in a gravelly voice, "Tell everyone you know, if you don't have love, none of it matters. It's all trash.

 

"Do you hear me? If you don't have love, all your efforts to be your best, gain the most and own it all are garbage. Your arguments are futile. Your life counts for rubbish. Your wisdom is nonsense. Your words are just a pile of stinking manure if you don't have love."

 

I'm sure if they could have, they'd paraphrase Paul's teaching and tell you that "Love is persistent and persevering. It doesn't advertise itself or race to be first in line. It takes no pleasure in the misfortune of others but sees the real fortune in honest truths. In the end, the earthly shell I occupy will crumble into dust and ashes."

 

1 Corinthians 13 is the clearest Valentine's Day message anyone could give and Paul summarizes it best in the last verse, "Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love" (The Message Translation).

 

Those words should say Happy Valentine's Day to anyone you love. But flowers will help too.

 

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Please send some love to the children of Honduras to help Chispa Project start libraries in their elementary schools. www.chispaproject.org/love Or make checks out to "Chispa Project and send to 10556 Combie Rd Suite 6643 Auburn CA 95602

 

Email Norris at comment@thechaplain.net or visit his website thechaplain.net to read past columns or purchase his books. Leave comments on voice mail at (843) 608-9715.