My last two columns

Norris Burkes Spirituality: Real men unafraid to list their limitations
NORRIS BURKES • SPIRITUALITY • September 19, 2010

Clint Eastwood made famous the saying, "A man's got to know his limitations." I know mine. I'll even list them for you.

There are three things I won't do in a retail store:

1. Speak Italian to order a Starbucks hot chocolate. This is America, darn it. There are three sizes here. Small, medium and large. Not tall, venti and grande.
2. Self-check my groceries. I know it sounds snooty, but I didn't go to college to check groceries. Besides, the computer voice flusters me.

3. Use accurate information to obtain a store's discount "preferred card." I don't need the avalanche of junk mail, spam and marketing calls they bring, so I use the name "Ima Snooty."
There are also three things I won't do in church:

1. Hug people I don't know. It's not a theological thing, it's an INFP thing. INFP is the personality type from the famed Myers Briggs test. Ten percent of us are "INFPs." The "I" stands for introverted. (See http://tinyurl.com/norrispersonality.)

2. Fill in the blanks of the sermon outline enclosed in the church bulletin. These "fill-in-the-blank" outlines are something akin to karaoke for sermons and were made popular by famed evangelical Rick Warren for ADD baby boomers.
3. Clap to the beat of contemporary church music. Actually, I'd like to clap, but I'm rhythmically challenged. So, I have to make a choice: sing or clap. And since people tend to get hurt when I clap, I stick to singing.

On a serious note about faith, I will never:

1. Tell you that you are wrong about your faith. Some Christians are fond of quoting John 14:6 concerning Jesus being the only way to God. The problem is, if you are reciting the verse to other faiths, you are not sharing your faith, you're shouting your condemnation. (A few weeks ago, I quoted someone who disparaged the Mormon faith and some readers assumed my agreement with the sentiment. I do not. It was poor writing on my part, and I apologize.)

2. Impose my faith on you in a public situation. Vis-à-vis, a public prayer when I know that the audience may not be of my faith. Because, if I only pray what
doesn't offend me and you can only hear what doesn't offend you, then we dilute both of our faiths.

3. Argue with you. I'm not going to argue cloning, abortion, the death penalty, theology, politics, evolution or the existence of God. I will, however, engage in a thoughtful examination of the issues. Maybe it's the INFP personality, but my dad taught me that it can take more courage to walk away from an argument.


That's enough of the negative. Let me tell you three things I will do:

1. Be an example of struggling faith. "What is that?" you ask. Struggling faith recognizes that no one has faith completely figured out. God is too big to be contained in one religion. We can learn things about faith from people of other faiths, and even from people who profess no faith at all.

2. Follow the direction of I Peter 3:15: "Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are and always with the utmost courtesy."

3. Finally, if you ask me, I will pray with you. My prayers will be in plain English without the Old English "thee's" and "thou's." However, given my ADD, it won't be a grande or a venti prayer, just a small one.


Norris Burkes: Books that could change your life
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • September 12, 2010


Have you ever had a book influence your life?

I have. And I think it's such an astonishing phenomenon that I've decided to dedicate an annual column recommending a handful of influential books that I've read about faith.

"Gilead." By Marilynne Robinson ($14, 247 pages. Picador, 2006)
At the very top of my list is this Pulitzer Prize-winning book in which the main character, a 76-year-old minister with a terminal illness, writes a letter to his 6-year-old son. Sounds kind of dull, but it's not.

In one section of the book, the Rev. Ames cautions his son: "Those people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you're making to be better than you actually are. Which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice."

If you're looking for plot, you'll hardly find one here. This is a poetic storytelling of forgiveness and grace.

"A New Kind of Christian: A Tale of Two Friends on a Spiritual Journey." By Brian D. McLaren ($14.95, 320 Pages. Jossey-Bass 2008)

This book made me mad at first, so if you don't like your presuppositions about faith challenged, don't read it.

According to the book jacket, the author fictionalizes "a lively and intimate conversation between a pastor and his daughter's high school science teacher, in which they reflect together about faith, doubt, reason, mission, leadership and spiritual practice in the emerging postmodern world."

McLaren uses these conversations as a background to grapple with his own dissatisfaction with modern Christian thought. At one point, the character Neo says: "I firmly believe that the top question of the new century and new millennium is not just whether Christianity is rational, credible, and essentially true (all of which I believe it is), but whether it can be powerful, redemptive, authentic, and good, whether it can change lives, demonstrate reconciliation and community, serve as a catalyst for the kingdom (of heaven), and lead to a desirable future."

"Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith." By Anne Lamott ($15, 275 pages. Anchor Books, 2000)

If you're not ready for some colorful language describing the faith journey, don't read anything by this recovering alcoholic. But if you get the fact that faith can be messy and doesn't always come in neat packages, Lamott will challenge you.

Big on the subject of forgiveness, Lamott says: "Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You're done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare . . ."

"In fact," she writes, "not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."

"Blue Like Jazz." By Donald Miller ($14.99, 256 pages. Thomas Nelson, 2003)

In this New York Times bestseller, Miller struggles with some "non-religious thoughts about Christianity." He's Lamott without the language.

Miller says: "God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us."

Miller and I have something in common. (Warning: shameless plug approaching).We have the same publisher.

If you like my column, you may want to read this compilation of my columns called "No Small Miracles: Heartwarming, Humorous, and Hopefilled Stories from a Pediatric Chaplain" ($12.99, 192 pages. Thomas Nelson 2009).

Finally, with the exception of Lamott, I can recommend nearly every book these authors have written.

Burkes is a former civilian hospital chaplain and an Air National Guard chaplain. Write norris@thechaplain.net or visit thechaplain.net. You can also follow him on Twitter, username is "chaplain," or on Facebook at facebook.com/norrisburkes.

My last two columns

Norris Burkes Spirituality: Real men unafraid to list their limitations
NORRIS BURKES • SPIRITUALITY • September 19, 2010

Clint Eastwood made famous the saying, "A man's got to know his limitations." I know mine. I'll even list them for you.

There are three things I won't do in a retail store:

1. Speak Italian to order a Starbucks hot chocolate. This is America, darn it. There are three sizes here. Small, medium and large. Not tall, venti and grande.
2. Self-check my groceries. I know it sounds snooty, but I didn't go to college to check groceries. Besides, the computer voice flusters me.

3. Use accurate information to obtain a store's discount "preferred card." I don't need the avalanche of junk mail, spam and marketing calls they bring, so I use the name "Ima Snooty."
There are also three things I won't do in church:

1. Hug people I don't know. It's not a theological thing, it's an INFP thing. INFP is the personality type from the famed Myers Briggs test. Ten percent of us are "INFPs." The "I" stands for introverted. (See http://tinyurl.com/norrispersonality.)

2. Fill in the blanks of the sermon outline enclosed in the church bulletin. These "fill-in-the-blank" outlines are something akin to karaoke for sermons and were made popular by famed evangelical Rick Warren for ADD baby boomers.
3. Clap to the beat of contemporary church music. Actually, I'd like to clap, but I'm rhythmically challenged. So, I have to make a choice: sing or clap. And since people tend to get hurt when I clap, I stick to singing.

On a serious note about faith, I will never:

1. Tell you that you are wrong about your faith. Some Christians are fond of quoting John 14:6 concerning Jesus being the only way to God. The problem is, if you are reciting the verse to other faiths, you are not sharing your faith, you're shouting your condemnation. (A few weeks ago, I quoted someone who disparaged the Mormon faith and some readers assumed my agreement with the sentiment. I do not. It was poor writing on my part, and I apologize.)

2. Impose my faith on you in a public situation. Vis-à-vis, a public prayer when I know that the audience may not be of my faith. Because, if I only pray what
doesn't offend me and you can only hear what doesn't offend you, then we dilute both of our faiths.

3. Argue with you. I'm not going to argue cloning, abortion, the death penalty, theology, politics, evolution or the existence of God. I will, however, engage in a thoughtful examination of the issues. Maybe it's the INFP personality, but my dad taught me that it can take more courage to walk away from an argument.


That's enough of the negative. Let me tell you three things I will do:

1. Be an example of struggling faith. "What is that?" you ask. Struggling faith recognizes that no one has faith completely figured out. God is too big to be contained in one religion. We can learn things about faith from people of other faiths, and even from people who profess no faith at all.

2. Follow the direction of I Peter 3:15: "Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are and always with the utmost courtesy."

3. Finally, if you ask me, I will pray with you. My prayers will be in plain English without the Old English "thee's" and "thou's." However, given my ADD, it won't be a grande or a venti prayer, just a small one.


Norris Burkes: Books that could change your life
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • September 12, 2010


Have you ever had a book influence your life?

I have. And I think it's such an astonishing phenomenon that I've decided to dedicate an annual column recommending a handful of influential books that I've read about faith.

"Gilead." By Marilynne Robinson ($14, 247 pages. Picador, 2006)
At the very top of my list is this Pulitzer Prize-winning book in which the main character, a 76-year-old minister with a terminal illness, writes a letter to his 6-year-old son. Sounds kind of dull, but it's not.

In one section of the book, the Rev. Ames cautions his son: "Those people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you're making to be better than you actually are. Which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice."

If you're looking for plot, you'll hardly find one here. This is a poetic storytelling of forgiveness and grace.

"A New Kind of Christian: A Tale of Two Friends on a Spiritual Journey." By Brian D. McLaren ($14.95, 320 Pages. Jossey-Bass 2008)

This book made me mad at first, so if you don't like your presuppositions about faith challenged, don't read it.

According to the book jacket, the author fictionalizes "a lively and intimate conversation between a pastor and his daughter's high school science teacher, in which they reflect together about faith, doubt, reason, mission, leadership and spiritual practice in the emerging postmodern world."

McLaren uses these conversations as a background to grapple with his own dissatisfaction with modern Christian thought. At one point, the character Neo says: "I firmly believe that the top question of the new century and new millennium is not just whether Christianity is rational, credible, and essentially true (all of which I believe it is), but whether it can be powerful, redemptive, authentic, and good, whether it can change lives, demonstrate reconciliation and community, serve as a catalyst for the kingdom (of heaven), and lead to a desirable future."

"Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith." By Anne Lamott ($15, 275 pages. Anchor Books, 2000)

If you're not ready for some colorful language describing the faith journey, don't read anything by this recovering alcoholic. But if you get the fact that faith can be messy and doesn't always come in neat packages, Lamott will challenge you.

Big on the subject of forgiveness, Lamott says: "Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You're done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare . . ."

"In fact," she writes, "not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."

"Blue Like Jazz." By Donald Miller ($14.99, 256 pages. Thomas Nelson, 2003)

In this New York Times bestseller, Miller struggles with some "non-religious thoughts about Christianity." He's Lamott without the language.

Miller says: "God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us."

Miller and I have something in common. (Warning: shameless plug approaching).We have the same publisher.

If you like my column, you may want to read this compilation of my columns called "No Small Miracles: Heartwarming, Humorous, and Hopefilled Stories from a Pediatric Chaplain" ($12.99, 192 pages. Thomas Nelson 2009).

Finally, with the exception of Lamott, I can recommend nearly every book these authors have written.

Burkes is a former civilian hospital chaplain and an Air National Guard chaplain. Write norris@thechaplain.net or visit thechaplain.net. You can also follow him on Twitter, username is "chaplain," or on Facebook at facebook.com/norrisburkes.

My last three columns

Norris Burkes: The answer lies in who, not what, you are
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • September 5, 2010

Is President Barak Obama a Christian or a Muslim? Is Glenn Beck a Christian or a Mormon? Is this columnist born again or just boring again?

In a Time Magazine poll conducted last month, 24 percent answered my first question saying they believe Obama is Muslim. Another 24 percent say they don't know because they hear ambiguity in his faith. Many will quote his Chicago Sun Times interview where he generically declared, "I believe that there are many paths to the same place . . ."

In considering the second question, I hope Beck appreciates the idiom that "turnabout is fair play," because even he is getting his faith pedigree questioned. In her posting on renewamerica .com, Beck supporter Marsha West poses the assertion of some fundamentalist groups that Beck is only "passing himself off as a Christian" and says her support for Beck is waning.

Beck "was baptized into . . . Mormonism, (and) is a member in good standing . . ., yet his focus is not on Mormonism but on Christianity. Mostly he uses Christian terminology, which is misleading. It would seem that Beck is a Christian. But how can that be?"

Like Obama and Beck, I, too, have had my faith questioned.

Years ago, during my days as a Baptist seminary student, I worked at a newspaper with a conservative Christian woman. I'll not mention her abomination . . . whoops, I mean her denomination . . . but her church believes they have the only ticket to heaven.

For weeks this woman would whisk past me taking shots at me for not being born again. I called it drive-by evangelism because it was a bit like drive-by shootings except her shots didn't leave a visible mark.

I tried to politely encourage her to agree to disagree, but she continued to spew her toxic theology in a way that caused me to finally say, "Look, I most certainly am a Christian. And short of a spiritual autopsy, you can't
say that I'm not. So knock it off."

That day I did what Obama and Beck have done on numerous occasions. I gave a testimony of my faith. And when someone gives their testimony, you have to accept their definitions of faith. The Bible gives some guidelines in helping us identify the genuineness of those testimonies when it says, "You shall know them by their fruits."
The Scripture, however, doesn't appoint any of us as fruit inspectors. The real issue is not what you are, but who are you.

Fortunately, 47 percent of those surveyed by Time take Obama at his word that he is Christian. And judging by the crowd in Washington last month, thousands of people accept that Beck also is a Christian.

Neither of these men are my personal flavor of faith. But that's OK, because I recognize there's a danger in proclaiming your faith is the only one that will pass eternal muster. The danger is that your faith becomes a joke.

We become the subject of the old joke about a tour group passing through heaven. Suddenly, the group stopped at the sound of beautiful music coming from the opposite side of a partitioned wall. "Hey! Who's that we hear singing behind the wall?" yelled someone from the back of the group.

In a strong, breathy whisper, the tour leader yelled, "Shhh. That's the Baptists and they think they are the only ones here."

I suppose that goes to show you that some people's idea of heaven is that they'll be alone.

Not me. I want a variety of heavenly company. After all, wouldn't you pay good money to see Obama and Beck go at it in heaven?

Oh, wait, never mind. I think political debates are housed in the hot place.

Burkes is a former civilian hospital chaplain and an Air National Guard chaplain. Write norris@thechaplain.net or visit the chaplain.net. You also can follow him on Twitter, username is "chaplain," or on Facebook at facebook.com/norrisburkes.



Norris Burkes: Make changes for you, not me
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • August 29, 2010

METETI, PANAMA — -- As my deployment to Panama comes to an end this week, I'm a bit amused how my visits to worksites have influenced the language around me.

I'm not talking about the Spanish language of Panama; I'm talking about language of the colorful kind. If you thought construction workers had the worst language, you should hear military members who also are construction workers.

It's been interesting to watch them change their demeanor as I approach. Like a speeder who comes upon a roadside police cruiser, they'll often do some moral gyrations inspired by my presence.

For example, they may nick themselves on a tool and suddenly make mid-sentence vocabulary changes. "*&$#!" They shout. Then, upon seeing me, they say "Uh, I mean 'Dang.' That hurt! Sorry, chaplain."

I'm amused because they'll make these whiplash changes all on the pretense they are worried about offending my decency. Yet, the crazy thing is, these are the same people who will come to my tent later to make confessions that are much worse than language.

Of course, I realize the airmen are simply trying to show me respect by reversing their language. Many of us will do the same kind of verbal changes around parents or children.

But I've often wondered whether the changes people make around their ministers are more about a contrived image of what they think God demands of them. Do they see God as a rogue cop holding the Ten Commandments in one hand and a rifle in the other saying, "If you don't do right, I'll blow a hole clean through ya"?

When people do a sudden change just because I come into the room, I want to tell them, "Don't change for me. Change for yourself."

I want to ask them, "Does it really matter to you that I've discovered you aren't the person you think that I think you should be?" Or perhaps, more to the point, "What would you risk to become the person you're pretending to be on my behalf?"

Truth be known, I, too, can make some quick reversals in the presence of the right people. In the dining tent, I can pass up the french fry bin when I'm aware our camp doctor is standing behind me. I've adjusted my posture as the commander walks by. And I've done some extra repetitions in the gym in the presence of some very fit airmen.

The shallow changes I make are more often about what the doctor or commander represent than they are about the changes I really want to make.

The problem with making these changes in the presence of influential people is that we tend to become someone stretched and disfigured into something that doesn't remotely resemble who God has made us to be.

Seems to me the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that we represent our own God-given image, not the flattering image we imagine others want us to be.
Bottom line is, you have to make changes for yourself, not for others. If your sudden conversion experience is all about changing for others, the changes only last as long as the presence of the influential person.

And changes that are not made for ourselves cause us to become like the convert who drunkenly stumbled into his pastor and deacon on a city sidewalk.

Observed the deacon to the pastor, "Isn't this man one of your converts?"

"You're right, he must be one of my converts," replied the pastor, "because he sure doesn't appear to be one of God's."


Norris Burkes: Laws of nature apply to all
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • August 22, 2010

METETI, PANAMA — -- After spending nearly two months remodeling schools and clinics here, our military humanitarian projects are winding down.

Looking back on the weeks here, it's not surprising so many people died etching out a passage across Panama 100 years ago.

With all our equipment, our medicines and our air conditioners, we still were nearly outmatched.

At times it felt like the fabled gods or imaginary goblins conspired in the heavens above, saying, "We'll permit you this small progress today, but tomorrow, we'll send the storms again, and you'll huddle inside your flimsy tents while we make rubble of your work."

On many of the workdays, the sun god scorched us and we took turns laying one block at a time while we rotated our personnel into an air-conditioned tent for the required work/rest cycle.

On the favorable days, the cloud gods provided us some shade, permitting us to slip into high gear as if we were kids sneaking in a little play time behind the back of a busy parent.

But then, the cycle would break and the rain god would send us home early as if mocking our previous day's progress. The next day, our work site would be flooded, and we were two steps backward in our progress.

Fortunately, we've had a stellar safety record at the worksites, but the goblins have stirred up their share of medical problems. When the flu and other gastrointestinal issues hit, several of us logged overtime in the superheated Porta-Potties.

Of course, our biggest medical worry has been that emergency medical help is three hours away. Last month, that worry materialized as we scrambled to evacuate an airman with a medical condition to Panama City's Level One hospital.

As our medics readied vehicle transport, a few chapel members huddled to say a prayer. And whatever you might think of the timing of the prayer, it was at that moment that a sergeant brought the amazing and rare news that a helicopter had been secured for the transport.

A month past that incident, two airmen skidded off the potholed Pan-American Highway and went head-on into a ditch. Gratefully, the medics mobilized and transported the airmen to the hospital.
A few days later, our commander reminded us: "We're in a
serious environment," but assured us our airmen were recovering and would return to duty soon.

A few days later, our commander reminded us: "We're in a
serious environment," but assured us our airmen were recovering and would return to duty soon.

Of course, there aren't any fabled gods or goblins conspiring against us here, but it has sure felt that way at times.

When it seems there are whimsical gods conspiring to ruin your day, it's helpful to remember that the Bible says "the rain falls on the just and the unjust." No matter how true our cause is, no matter how humanitarian our effort is, God doesn't give us a bye when it comes to the laws of nature.

We can read our Bible and pray all we want, but we still have to have the common sense to wear helmets, sunscreen, take our medications, come inside during the lightning and drive carefully.

Yes, the laws of nature still apply to the faithful, and we have endured our set of trials because of those laws. But at the end of the day, we know those laws weren't given to us by imaginary gods or capricious goblins. The laws are the design of an intelligent and loving God.

But perhaps more importantly, we are stronger for having endured those trials and the world has become a little bit better place.

Burkes is a former civilian hospital chaplain and an Air National Guard chaplain. Write norris@thechaplain.net or visit thechaplain.net. You also can follow him on Twitter, username is "chaplain," or on Facebook at facebook.com/norrisburkes.