My last three columns

Norris Burkes: Ministers are just regular people
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • August 15, 2010

METETI, Panama -- While helping to lay concrete block for a school here, a soldier confided, "You don't seem like most ministers I've met."

"Gee, thanks," I said feigning offense.

"No, I don't mean it in a bad way," he said. "It's just that some of the pastors I've met seem so . . ." his voice trailed as he searched for a word he could use with a chaplain.

"Stuffy? Unreachable?" I suggested having heard this criticism of some colleagues.

"Yeah. That's it," he said, "You're not stuffy."

It was a left-handed compliment that I've heard more than once in my life. There have been times, however, when it wasn't intended to be complimentary.

For instance, last month, a reader took offense to my description of the gulf spill as a "damn gusher." Readers have scolded me over my impatience with a waitress, or my bachelor gambling on the eve of my wedding, and even the retrieval of my soiled chaplain's hat from a toilet.

Most of the critics suggested these weren't things a "man of God" should say or do.

Seven years ago, while working as a hospital chaplain, I wrote a column on the lustful thoughts I experienced during a haircut from a female barber. All of my chaplain colleagues heard the disapproving message left by a reader on our department voicemail.

"How can a 45-year-old minister have such thoughts?" she asked. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

Nevertheless, I keep writing, because most readers tell me they gain hope from hearing about the human side of struggling with faith. I even get positive e-mails from atheists and agnostics who tell me of their struggles. That bothers my pastor a bit, but he understands I'm different.

I try to show readers a human Jesus. In fact, I've always said if you can't imagine Jesus stepping behind a tree to relieve himself, then you're not seeing him as human. (Here come the e-mails.)

Eight years ago, when my column began in FLORIDA TODAY, then-features editor Tom Clifford named the column "Spirituality in Everyday Life." He saw what I took for granted. Namely, if you can't make faith work in everyday places where you live and work, then what good is it?


I say you can leave that type of unworkable faith in the churches that have those stuffy ministers.

I suppose there is one area, however, in which I am like most ministers, even the stuffy ones. Like most ministers, I have a fear of disappointing others. It's the personality type that goes with the job, I suppose. It's a normal reaction to what we do, but it can sometimes cause us to sell off a bigger piece of ourselves than we should.

At the end of the day, the Apostle Paul reminds us: "Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you . . . his good purpose."

Which is a way of saying, simply, that we are all human and your minister, rabbi or faith group leader will get dressed like we all do -- one leg at a time.

I'll have to admit, however, sometimes I get dressed too quickly as I did one morning while putting on my uniform. I accidentally reversed the position of my nametag with my chaplain's cross, pinning them over the wrong breast pocket. A young airman approached and sincerely asked, "Are chaplains different?"

I gave her a fairly puzzled look and she asked, "Do chaplains get to wear their nametag on the reverse pocket?"

"Uh, yes," I said, "I suppose some of us are different."



Many who like Christ aren't fans of Christians
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • August 8, 2010

"Today I quit being a Christian!" wrote the legendary author Anne Rice on her Facebook page last month

Why would the notable author of the "Vampire Chronicles," who later documented her conversion to Christianity in "Called Out of Darkness" make such a public recant?

Apparently, Rice is disgusted by sharing the title "Christian" with those she describes as being "quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious and a deservedly infamous group. For 10 years, I've tried. I've failed. . . . Following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity . . ."

In choosing to distance herself from those calling themselves Christian, perhaps she saw the news story I saw about the "International Burn a Qur'an Day" sponsored by Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville to protest what it calls a religion "of the devil."

CNN quoted Pastor Terry Jones' justification: "We believe that Islam is of the devil and that it's causing billions of people to go to hell."

Jones, author of "Islam is of the Devil," plans to sell his book along with coffee mugs and T-shirts with the same phrase at the three-hour event.

To paraphrase a saying, "With 'Christian friends' like that, who needs enemies?"

It's no wonder Rice doesn't want to be associated with us.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fan of Rice, her genre or her politics, but she raises a point being made by others. Gandhi expressed the same point when he said, "I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Brian McLaren, named by Time magazine as among the 25 Most Influential Evangelicals in America, also has distanced himself from the Christian title.

In his popular book, "A New Kind of Christianity," he wrote, "I do not believe in Christianity the way I believe in Jesus. I am a Christian who does not believe in Christianity as I used to, but who believes in Christ with all my heart, more than ever."

In "Following Jesus Without Embarrassing God," Tony Campolo, famed Christian Sociologist, agrees.
"Over the years, all of us have said and done things that surely must have embarrassed God. Which of us can deny that, even as we are trying to follow Jesus, we sometimes behave in ways which must make God and Christianity seem ridiculous to those outside the faith?"

The whole thing makes me want to personally apologize to her for these types of scorekeeping Pharisees of the Christian faith.

Our church issued just such an apology last year. We brought hospitality baskets to a gay newspaper, a strip club and an abortion clinic. While making it clear that we didn't agree with them, we apologized for the way Christians have treated them in the name of Christ. (See miniurl.com/Christian
apology)

Jesus' brother James taught that "God-talk" is useless without matching actions with words: "For instance," he says, "you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, 'Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ!' and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup. Where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?"

"Outrageous nonsense" pretty well defines what Rice was talking about.

Still, she still maintains that: "My faith in Christ is central to my life," and that remaining a "believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me."

It's crucial to a lot of us, Anne. Keep struggling. Follow Christ. Stay the journey.

Burkes is a former civilian hospital chaplain and an Air National Guard chaplain. Write norris@thechaplain.net.


Norris Burkes: Promotion comes with spelling lesson
Chaplain moves up the ranks to lieutenant colonel
BY NORRIS BURKES • FLORIDA TODAY • August 1, 2010

I wish some of you had been here with me this past month to hold my hand as I nervously awaited the release of the lieutenant colonel promotion list.

Even as I prayed to see my name on the list, I knew a promotion would bring challenges, not the least of which would be learning how to spell lieutenant colonel. I had so much trouble spelling lieutenant when I entered the Air Force that they immediately promoted me to captain.

As a captain, I was sent to a seven-week officer's school with more than 1,000 other newly minted captains. We listened to countless lectures, but one particular lecture presented by a military futurist put forth a novel idea.

"How would you like to be a captain for your entire military career?" he asked our class.

By the loud groans, it was obvious not many of them would.

"Well," he countered, "what if being a permanent captain meant that you keep doing the job you love for your entire career?"

Mumbling in the crowd told the speaker that listeners found the idea intriguing. That's because promotions often bring the dreaded "desk job" of a supervisor, and many officers relinquish what they love doing most.

As a chaplain, I found the speaker's idea captivating. I enjoyed the active ministry of a chaplain who was preaching, counseling and visiting airmen in their workplaces. I knew a promotion would lead to my becoming the head chaplain with all the headaches.

Needless to say, the futurist's idea never caught on. Whenever I dared share the idea with supervisors, they'd find my disinterest in advancement unimpressive.

"It's either up or out," they'd say. "If you can't be promoted, you'll be forced out."

And in 2002, that's exactly what happened to me.

Fortunately, that same year two things happened. This column went into syndication and I found the Air National Guard. The Guard promoted me to major, but allowed me to continue the active face-to-face ministry of most captains. That's because Guard chaplains aren't chained to desks. We go where our units go. Little paperwork, lots of peoplework.

I've known the feel of a thundering rocket launch on my chest, and I've prayed with men with holes in their chests.

I've preached more than 700 sermons to military congregations. I've knocked on doors to darken the world of families with the most unimaginable news, and I've joined couples in holy matrimony in the most stupendous ways.

I've dined with generals and cried with privates. Promotion or no promotion, it's been a pretty good life.

I couldn't help but wonder if I made lieutenant colonel, could I still mix it up with these young guys as they work? Would it be proper for a senior officer to be seen sitting atop a block wall, as I did this week, cajoling and encouraging young men and women?

When the announcement came, I ran my finger down the list praying I could accept bad news gracefully or good news humbly.

Gratefully, it appears that I will have to learn how to spell lieutenant colonel.

And fortunately, protocol dictates that chaplains are addressed, not by their rank, but by their title, chaplain.

I suppose I could use the abbreviation of Lt. and get by on that until I retire. Of course, I find general pretty easy to spell.