Have you had "The Talk"

View this email in your browser  Quarantine Days Provide Time to Have "The Talk"   Just before the quarantine started, my wife Becky and I sat with a lawyer redoing our Estate Plan.     "I love that word "Estate," I told the lawyer. "It makes me feel like I own the Ponderosa."   "Well, you don't," Becky said, using her no-nonsense teacher tone.    "Right," added the attorney. "It's pretty much just a will."   She paused. "But there's more. You'll need to do an Advance Directive."   As a hospice chaplain, I knew that this was the crucial paperwork that would spell out my healthcare wishes should I ever be unable to state them clearly. I definitely wanted to get this done because I'd seen the heartache caused by several patients who lacked them.   The moment triggered a lot of memories, but in particular, I remembered visiting one patient during my days in 2013 working as a per-diem chaplain at the Sacramento VA Medical Center. Joining me for the visit was our Palliative Care Team consisting of a psychologist, a social worker and a doctor.    Our patient was an 84-year-old farmer and Korean War veteran whom I'll call "Ken."    As we walked into the room, Ken's wife of 51 years stood to shake our hands with a self-assured grip. The woman, likely in her 70s, had the well-heeled look of a senior model. Ken, the victim of multiple strokes, did little to greet us, preferring instead the revolving wheel of a TV game show.   With introductions made, we pushed our chairs into a semicircle around Ken's bed. Our psychologist, a ponytailed man pushing 60, began with screening questions directed toward the Ken's wife. Had her husband been able to dress, feed and bathe himself? Did she think he had much understanding of what was going on with his body?"   "No" to all questions.   The doctor then assumed control of the meeting by picking up her stethoscope. She was an athletic woman who'd had some luck cheating her 50s with youthful blue eyes and a pixie cut.    She bent over Ken, searching his expression for understanding, but she saw little to indicate that he was aware of his surroundings.   "He really needs a feeding tube," the doctor concluded.   "Then let's do that," the wife said.   Actually, there were few options left for the old farmer. He'd had multiple hospitalizations and suffered several recent bouts of pneumonia. Each illness was followed by weeks in a rehabilitation facility in the San Francisco Bay area.   With great sensitivity, the doctor told the woman that even with the feeding tube, Ken would likely choke aspirating his saliva. In addition, he'd have to be restrained or heavily sedated because stroke-induced confusion would cause Ken to pull out the tube.   "Is this the way your husband wanted to live his later years?" the psychologist asked.   "No," she said. "I suppose it really isn't."   "Sounds like he values the quality of his life," I reflected.   She nodded. "He knows that heaven awaits."   The hour-long meeting ended when Ken's wife agreed to let us implement "comfort-care measures." Comfort care means that every person taking care of Ken would adopt a new goal — one designed not to make Ken get better, but to make him feel better. Our goal shifted to helping him live as well as possible for as long as possible. With the help of social work, psychology and chaplaincy, we would now care for Ken's whole person.   The real reason behind this difficult meeting was that Ken had failed to have "the talk" with his wife. Like many people, he had failed to discuss crucial questions with loved ones prior to arriving on his deathbed.   Those questions are contained in the advance directive, (sometimes called a living will). An advance directive is the document that directs the doctors to follow the wishes of patients who are unable to speak for themselves.   These quarantine days provide you with a crucial time to have "the talk."    If you don't have a written directive, or you haven't appointed someone who can confidently speak for you, then doctors will be obligated to do everything possible to save your life, even if "everything" means a painful delay of your death.   Do you really want to be on a respirator for untold days? Or can you imagine a limit?   Ken was well loved by family and fellow vets, but the truth is that a well-written advance directive could have eased the burden on his family and ensured that he'd have spent his final days with the dignity of his choosing.   If you don't have an advance directive, I urge you to get started today. More information on advance directives, and state-specific advance-directive documents to download are available at www.caringinfo.org.   -------------------------------------------------- Read more at www.thechaplain.net. Contact me at comment@thechaplain.net or 10566 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or via voicemail (843) 608-9715. Twitter @chaplain.     Copyright © 2020 Norris Burkes, All rights reserved. You signed up to be on Norris' list! Our mailing address is: Norris Burkes 10566 Combie Rd Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 Add us to your address book Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.

New Column From Norris Burkes

Subject:
Early release of column for Aug 1/2


Column:

Quarantine Days Provide Time to Have "The Talk"

Just before the quarantine started, my wife Becky and I sat with a lawyer redoing our Estate Plan.

"I love that word "Estate," I told the lawyer. "It makes me feel like I own the Ponderosa."

"Well, you don't," Becky said, using her no-nonsense teacher tone.

"Right," added the attorney. "It's pretty much just a will."

She paused. "But there's more. You'll need to do an Advance Directive."

As a hospice chaplain, I knew that this was the crucial paperwork that would spell out my healthcare wishes should I ever be unable to state them clearly. I definitely wanted to get this done because I'd seen the heartache caused by several patients who lacked them.

The moment triggered a lot of memories, but in particular, I remembered visiting one patient during my days in 2013 working as a per-diem chaplain at the Sacramento VA Medical Center. Joining me for the visit was our Palliative Care Team consisting of a psychologist, a social worker and a doctor.

Our patient was an 84-year-old farmer and Korean War veteran whom I'll call "Ken."

As we walked into the room, Ken's wife of 51 years stood to shake our hands with a self-assured grip. The woman, likely in her 70s, had the well-heeled look of a senior model. Ken, the victim of multiple strokes, did little to greet us, preferring instead the revolving wheel of a TV game show.

With introductions made, we pushed our chairs into a semicircle around Ken's bed. Our psychologist, a ponytailed man pushing 60, began with screening questions directed toward the Ken's wife. Had her husband been able to dress, feed and bathe himself? Did she think he had much understanding of what was going on with his body?"

"No" to all questions.

The doctor then assumed control of the meeting by picking up her stethoscope. She was an athletic woman who'd had some luck cheating her 50s with youthful blue eyes and a pixie cut.

She bent over Ken, searching his expression for understanding, but she saw little to indicate that he was aware of his surroundings.

"He really needs a feeding tube," the doctor concluded.

"Then let's do that," the wife said.


Actually, there were few options left for the old farmer. He'd had multiple hospitalizations and suffered several recent bouts of pneumonia. Each illness was followed by weeks in a rehabilitation facility in the San Francisco Bay area.

With great sensitivity, the doctor told the woman that even with the feeding tube, Ken would likely choke aspirating his saliva. In addition, he'd have to be restrained or heavily sedated because stroke-induced confusion would cause Ken to pull out the tube.

"Is this the way your husband wanted to live his later years?" the psychologist asked.

"No," she said. "I suppose it really isn't."

"Sounds like he values the quality of his life," I reflected.

She nodded. "He knows that heaven awaits."

The hour-long meeting ended when Ken's wife agreed to let us implement "comfort-care measures."

Comfort care means that every person taking care of Ken would adopt a new goal — one designed not to make Ken get better, but to make him feel better. Our goal shifted to helping him live as well as possible for as long as possible. With the help of social work, psychology and chaplaincy, we would now care for Ken's whole person.

The real reason behind this difficult meeting was that Ken had failed to have "the talk" with his wife. Like many people, he had failed to discuss crucial questions with loved ones prior to arriving on his deathbed.

Those questions are contained in the advance directive, (sometimes called a living will). An advance directive is the document that directs the doctors to follow the wishes of patients who are unable to speak for themselves.

These quarantine days provide you with a crucial time to have "the talk."

If you don't have a written directive, or you haven't appointed someone who can confidently speak for you, then doctors will be obligated to do everything possible to save your life, even if "everything" means a painful delay of your death.

Do you really want to be on a respirator for untold days? Or can you imagine a limit?

Ken was well loved by family and fellow vets, but the truth is that a well-written advance directive could have eased the burden on his family and ensured that he'd have spent his final days with the dignity of his choosing.

If you don't have an advance directive, I urge you to get started today. More information on advance directives, and state-specific advance-directive documents to download are available at www.caringinfo.org.

--------------------------------------------------
Read more at www.thechaplain.net. Contact me at comment@thechaplain.net or 10566 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or via voicemail (843) 608-9715. Twitter @chaplain.

 

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New Column From Norris Burkes

Subject:
Correction in last week's column


Column:

Editors,

I'm embarrassed to say that my readers have identified an egregious mistake in last week's column,

I said: (Today, approximately 1-3 blacks are incarcerated.)

It should have said (Approximately 1/3 of those incarcerated today are black.)

 

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The 13th Amendment

View this email in your browser THE SINS OF THE FATHERS   Thirty years ago, I was having some discord in my first pastorate when, worried about job security, I called my dad, a retired pastor.    "Dad, were you ever fired from a church?" I asked.   "Yes, in Louisiana," he said. "I brought a black man to church and the deacons fired me by nightfall."   I thought for a second about the disagreeable church leaders I was currently clashing with when I asked my dad, "Did those deacons have kids?"   My question was a nod to the 24 Bible verses that speak of  the generational consequences of sin, "…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons to the third and fourth generation" (Numbers 14:18).   We both knew that if the racists who'd fired my dad were as influential on their children as my dad was on me, then my generation was in trouble.   The same sin of racism that had seeped from slavery into my father's generation continues to infect us today.    But instead of facing our sin, we attempt to dismiss it by asking such questions as -- "What's wrong with these protesters? The 13th Amendment abolished slavery 155 years ago and freed nearly 4 million slaves."   I want to ask them, "Have you read the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution?"   Since this is the last of my four columns written for July Freedom Month, let's read the amendment together, shall we?   "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."   It's that bold print that gave Douglas A. Blackmon direction for his Pulitzer-winning book, "Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II" (Doubleday 2009).   That bold print means the 13th Amendment doesn't apply to those convicted of crime. In 1865, all that was needed to re-enslave the free was to change the Southern judicial system.    One such example, says Blackmon, was the exaggerated laws called Pig Laws. The statutes elevated the misdemeanor theft of a pig to a felony. Even stealing an 8-cent fence post brought a felony conviction.    Many states had loitering laws which allowed blacks to be arrested for not working or simply having Sunday off. Blackmon noted that people were arrested even for being "uppity" or "mouthy."     Once convicted, inmates were leased to industry where they were literally worked to death in coal mines and agricultural fields. In some places, Blackmon maintains that leased convicts died at 30-40 percent a year.    Blacks convicted of softer crimes had their fines paid by local employers who detained them to work until the debt was paid. The arrangement was called "peonism," outlawed after the Civil War but practiced until the early 1940s.    Black sharecroppers also were detained on their own farms and charged interest rates of 50-90% for the land. Blackmon says that if they tried to default by leaving, they were subject to arrest.    By the time we get to my father's church in the early 1950s, our generational sin is unfathomable.   The sins of our fathers found more seed in the racial unrest of the 1960s and with the "Law and Order" 80s and 70s that saw mass arrests of blacks in disproportionate numbers. (Today, approximately 1-3 blacks are incarcerated.)    The 1990s began the age of the camera. The beating and killing of black men by authorities came to be "America's Foulest Videos."   Today, because of the sins of our fathers, we are the living evidence of the history that our parents chose for us. However, African Americans are a product of the choices they were denied.   Vietnam veterans have told me that their healing could begin when they hear the words, "Welcome home."    Is it too much to believe that African Americans can heal when they see proof that their lives matter? Because for much too long, history shows that their lives simply haven't.   Sources:     1.    Blackmon, Douglas A. 2009 "Slavery by Another Name." 2.    PBS special, 2012 "Slavery by Another Name." 3.    Netflix, 2016 "13th" 4.    YouTube 2020 "Holy Post - Race in America."  VeggieTales creator Phil Viche/   Read past columns at www.thechaplain.net. Email comment@thechaplain.net. Write to 10566 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or leave voicemail at (843) 608-9715. Twitter @chaplain.                                               Copyright © 2020 Norris Burkes, All rights reserved. You signed up to be on Norris' list! Our mailing address is: Norris Burkes 10566 Combie Rd Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 Add us to your address book Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.

New Column From Norris Burkes

Subject:
Column for 24-26 July


Column:

THE SINS OF THE FATHERS

Thirty years ago, I was having some discord in my first pastorate when, worried about job security, I called my dad, a retired pastor.

"Dad, were you ever fired from a church?" I asked.

"Yes, in Louisiana," he said. "I brought a black man to church and the deacons fired me by nightfall."

I thought for a second about the disagreeable church leaders I was currently clashing with when I asked my dad, "Did those deacons have kids?"

My question was a nod to the 24 Bible verses that speak of the generational consequences of sin, "…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons to the third and fourth generation" (Numbers 14:18).

We both knew that if the racists who'd fired my dad were as influential on their children as my dad was on me, then my generation was in trouble.

The same sin of racism that had seeped from slavery into my father's generation continues to infect us today.

But instead of facing our sin, we attempt to dismiss it by asking such questions as -- "What's wrong with these protesters? The 13th Amendment abolished slavery 155 years ago and freed nearly 4 million slaves."

I want to ask them, "Have you read the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution?"

Since this is the last of my four columns written for July Freedom Month, let's read the amendment together, shall we?

"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."

It's that bold print that gave Douglas A. Blackmon direction for his Pulitzer-winning book, "Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II" (Doubleday 2009).

That bold print means the 13th Amendment doesn't apply to those convicted of crime. In 1865, all that was needed to re-enslave the free was to change the Southern judicial system.

One such example, says Blackmon, was the exaggerated laws called Pig Laws. The statutes elevated the misdemeanor theft of a pig to a felony. Even stealing an 8-cent fence post brought a felony conviction.

Many states had loitering laws which allowed blacks to be arrested for not working or simply having Sunday off. Blackmon noted that people were arrested even for being "uppity" or "mouthy."

Once convicted, inmates were leased to industry where they were literally worked to death in coal mines and agricultural fields. In some places, Blackmon maintains that leased convicts died at 30-40 percent a year.

Blacks convicted of softer crimes had their fines paid by local employers who detained them to work until the debt was paid. The arrangement was called "peonism," outlawed after the Civil War but practiced until the early 1940s.

Black sharecroppers also were detained on their own farms and charged interest rates of 50-90% for the land. Blackmon says that if they tried to default by leaving, they were subject to arrest.

By the time we get to my father's church in the early 1950s, our generational sin is unfathomable.

The sins of our fathers found more seed in the racial unrest of the 1960s and with the "Law and Order" 80s and 70s that saw mass arrests of blacks in disproportionate numbers. (Today, approximately 1-3 blacks are incarcerated.)

The 1990s began the age of the camera. The beating and killing of black men by authorities came to be "America's Foulest Videos."

Today, because of the sins of our fathers, we are the living evidence of the history that our parents chose for us. However, African Americans are a product of the choices they were denied.

Vietnam veterans have told me that their healing could begin when they hear the words, "Welcome home."

Is it too much to believe that African Americans can heal when they see proof that their lives matter? Because for much too long, history shows that their lives simply haven't.


Sources:

1. Blackmon, Douglas A. 2009 "Slavery by Another Name."
2. PBS special, 2012 "Slavery by Another Name."
3. Netflix, 2016 "13th"
4. YouTube 2020 "Holy Post - Race in America." Phil Vichel, VeggieTales creator

Read past columns at www.thechaplain.net. Email comment@thechaplain.net. Write to 10566 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 or leave voicemail at (843) 608-9715. Twitter @chaplain.

 

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How do you know I'm telling you the truth?

View this email in your browser Freedom of the Press. If you've read my columns this month, you'll be expecting my third of four July Freedom columns. However, you aren't likely expecting the topic of Freedom of the Press from a spirituality columnist.   These days, Freedom of the Press feels more like a free-for-all. Anyone with a twitter account and smartphone can claim they've uncovered the "real facts" -- a phrase as redundant as "burning fire."    Perhaps you've even wondered, "How do I know that Chaplain Norris is telling the truth?"   It's a question that was asked of me 15 years ago by the editor of my small biweekly newspaper in Elk Grove, Calif.   He called to clarify a discrepancy he saw in my column about a premature baby.      "You say 'he' in one paragraph and 'she' in another. Which is it?"   "It doesn't matter. Say whatever you like," I said. As a chaplain, I'd interchanged the pronoun to protect the privacy of the family.   A long exhale informed me he was about to tell me exactly what he thought.    "If you're going to change the facts in any way," he cautioned, "then you need to disclose your intentions." He was clear that he wouldn't tolerate any irregularities in his paper.    This journalistic experience from 2005 may have you wondering how one finds a trustworthy news source in 2020. Below, I have paraphrased some helpful suggestions from Michael Lewis' article "Fake News? 8 Ways to Determine If a News Story Is Reliable.   What are the writer's credentials? A good journalist goes to journalism school or some equivalent and finds employment by a trusted news outlet. (In my case, I have a BA in Journalism, an MFA in Writing, and am currently enrolled in a master's program in journalism.)   Is the story reported by only once source? The source you read may be the first to report a story, but it shouldn't be the only one. When it comes to a straight news story, I find that CNN and FOX should sound nearly alike.   Read past the headlines. Fun fact – editors write headlines, not reporters. Often, the negative emails I get come from folks who've interpreted my column based solely on the headline.    Use fact checkers to confirm content on social media. "Google Scholar" will take you right to the source, but easier sites include www.snopes.com, Fact Checker, PolitiFact, and FactCheck. None of these are without some bias. My journalism instructors always required two substantiating sources and good notes that back up my quotes.   Is it fact or opinion? You shouldn't detect an opinion in a hard news story, but opinion pieces should still be supported by facts. While my columns are factual, you should consider most to be inspirational opinion.   How old is the information? A video posted to Twitter last week was Dr. Fauci saying masks are a waste of time. This was expired advice, but it was portrayed to be valid. When I Google information, I often use the "tool" tab that allows me to sort by date.     Avoid the extreme. Truth is found in the middle. If you tune your ears to the far right by listening to "Infowars" or you are a "Patribotics" kinda person, then you've likely stopped reading me by now. Hopefully, most of you are unfamiliar with either of these conspiracy theory sites.   These extreme sources are easily identified by their overuse of the term "Lying Press." Labeling the press as fake or liars doesn't make it so. Hitler did the same thing when he popularized the phrase "'lügenpresse" to attack the media unsupportive of the Nazi Party.    I take personal offense at the term. I know many journalists. Most are quiet, deliberate people who keep their nose to the grindstone in search of the facts. Their standards are high in their use of each word and their terms are precise. No one among us is unbiased, but I can attest that most journalists I know are factual.   And last, I'll put my chaplain hat back on to tell you this:    It's rare that I will label something as a lie or will call someone a liar. A liar isn't someone just expressing different opinions, experiences or biases.   A liar is someone who is being intentionally misleading for personal gain. If they don't meet that criteria, then I would prefer to grant them grace.    But, hey, that's only this chaplain's opinion.    -------------------------------------------------------------- Sources: https://www.moneycrashers.com/fake-news-determine-reliable-story/   Read more at www.thechaplain.net. Email: comment@thechaplain.net. Write to 10566 Combie Rd. Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602. Voicemail (843) 608-9715. Twitter @chaplain.         Copyright © 2020 Norris Burkes, All rights reserved. You signed up to be on Norris' list! Our mailing address is: Norris Burkes 10566 Combie Rd Suite 6643 Auburn, CA 95602 Add us to your address book Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.